The Motherhood Project’s lovely Jennifer Delmaire joins us today as our guest blogger! Take it away Jen….

Through the lens of motherhood, these are complicated times. We are changed. Like it and prepared for it, or not. Pregnancy, postpartum and what comes next, redefined. While these trying times have found a way to highlight the strength, resilience, and determination of mothers in new and profound ways, we are also a community experiencing anxiety, depression, isolation, grief, loneliness, uncertainty, anger, fear, and lack of connection like never before.

Mothers are left wondering if they are struggling as a result of our new “normal”? Or could it be something more? As it stands, pre-COVID, 10-28% of perinatal women will experience a mood disorder. Reports of perinatal mental health challenges have greatly increased and it is predicted that there will be a further increase in perinatal mood disorders over the months and even years ahead. What we do know, with confidence, is that we are not alone in all this.

Pregnancy has changed. Gone are the days of large, in-person celebrations; baby showers, gender reveals, prenatal classes etc. Prenatal appointments look different and our ability to anticipate labour, delivery and life with a new baby, has been replaced by the unknown and a greater loss of perceived control. Women are going through miscarriages, stillbirths and fertility struggles in a whole new, less supported way which is hard to fathom. Many supports have pivoted online, which works for some, but others are “Zoomed out”, or do not have access to this option. It’s all enough already, isn’t it?

Birth has changed. Choices have been limited. Women have delivered their babies alone, without their partners or chosen support people. There has been a back and forth of protocol, compounding uncertainty. As a result, how the birth experience is perceived has, for many, been altered. There are reports from both sides – some women’s experiences lean closer to trauma as their births were very far from their desired plans; and fortunately, some report that they were actually able to have a more peaceful, quiet experience than they imagined possible. Several contributing factors may lead to these differences but a commonality lies in anticipatory emotions. We are navigating uncharted territory and while some excel at rolling with it, others have expectations that will not be met.

Postpartum has changed. It may be that the increased boundaries are a good thing. This allows for rest, adjustment and bonding. However, there comes a time when you need HELP! It truly does take a village, and we are not meant to do everything on our own. Not having access to support systems can be crippling. Whether it's family or friends being able to meet the baby, support mom, help around the house, keep older children occupied (the list goes on), we have been forced to a short list. Forced to choose who can be close. Forced to postpone visits with grandparents, forced to literally isolate. One thing is for sure – motherhood was already isolating during the best of times. Further isolation is one of the top barriers perinatal professionals are spending our careers trying to prevent.

Community programs have been paused or cancelled. Imperative supports such as lactation consultation, newborn hearing screen follow-ups, pelvic floor physiotherapy, in-home postpartum doula care, mental health screening and appointments have become less accessible (if available at all), and although some have begun to resume, many have not or wait times are long. Our ability to connect socially with other moms has changed. Less baby groups, less in-person everything, less hugs, less other people holding the baby… less.

Some have lost their job security, some have had to return to work early. Those with older children are trying to keep them safe. Send them to school and trust, or keep them at home and figure out how to manage parenting, homeschooling, childcare, work, and all the other responsibilities we face. We are rightfully stressed and overwhelmed. We are not okay. Or we are, but we’re working hard for it. In contrast, we have been forced to slow down, and unbusy ourselves. We’ve had boundaries forced upon us that have turned out to be healthy, we’ve found new ways to do things, we’ve had to get creative, we’ve learned to pivot and expand our ideas of what is possible. We have, in fact, survived. But we deserve to thrive! So, what can we do?

If you are pregnant:

Get prepared! Educate and empower yourself with information. Find your village, and know how to reach them. Create open dialogue with your partner or support systems. The easier it is to talk about how you are feeling and what you need, the better! Heads up – this takes practice. In addition to considering your birth plan, consider your postpartum plan. Find the local resources you *may* need, and include them in this plan. If you never need to use them, great! If you do, you won’t waste any time searching. Build resiliency with self care. Becoming proficient at this in pregnancy will set you up for postpartum success. If you are struggling with any symptoms of a Perinatal Mood Disorder, stay connected and seek support as soon as possible. It’s very common for a mood disorder to present during pregnancy, less common is the awareness around this fact.

If you are postpartum:

Stay connected to, or find, community! It might look different, it might be online, it might be physically distanced, but community sustains us through the good, the bad and the ugly. Accept help. Whether it's a partner, a friend or family member, who can drop off groceries or take the baby for a walk – say yes! Practice expressing your feelings, thoughts and needs. Communicate, instead of bottling it up or trying not to “burden” anyone. If you are struggling, speak it. Seek support that is accessible to you. These places do exist and can support you during this time. Take care of yourself! Eat well, rest/sleep when you can, drink enough water, move your body, and create some healthy habits of self-care. Self-care is anything that makes you feel good! This does not need to be elaborate or complicated.

Mothers at any stage:

You are not alone. While we do not know how long these circumstances will last, we do know that we are in this together, and we are getting through one day at a time. We are doing our best each day in the face of unprecedented adversity. Your feelings are valid – all of them – and it may take time to process them and heal. This is okay. You are strong. You are resilient, and you are mothering through a time that will long be remembered. Be proud. Show yourself grace and compassion. You are doing a great job, and, worth the repeat, you are not alone.

The Motherhood Project supports all mothers. Prenatal, Postpartum and beyond. Please reach out if you are looking for wellness support: physical, mental, emotional or social. We are here for you. www.themotherhoodproject.ca

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